My middle child, Haylie Jo, turned 8 back on March 13th, 2012. We are so proud she made the decision to follow our Savior, Jesus Christ, and be baptized. She was baptized by her father, Josh, in April, the day before Easter. Her witnesses were her Grandpa Joe and her Grandpa Berry. Later that day, my mom and my stepdad took the girls and their cousins to Heise Hot Springs to sit in the hot tub. One of the most memorable days with her yet. Have a look :)
*click on picture to enlarge
Have you ever known something about yourself deep down but refused to admit it to the full extent? Only then you are startled by a loud wake up call coming to you from left field? Oh, ya? Me too. I have come to realize something I've always known about myself, I am a control freak. I am happy to say I also know I'm not one of those super controlling types who will try to beat my husband into submission, starve myself like an anorexic, or run my home like a military base. I just like schedules, order, and things to go according to plan. I dislike spontaneity to an extent. Let's go to dinner? Sure. Let's go swimming? No! I have to plan for swimming the day ahead. Owen needs to take an early nap. I need to shave. I need to have planned for food and packed accordingly. Yup, I am a control freak. Is this a problem for me? Not really. In fact it helps keep my life on track. And I don't think Josh or the kids mind it either. They know Mom will shop for them, have food on the table, clean clothing to wear, get them to extracurricular practices on time, and have a generally clean home. They also know what is expected of them (chores, homework) which takes the hassle out of yelling every morning, "GET UP NOW! AND MAKE YOUR BED! DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?" Okay, sometimes our mornings still sound similar to the aforementioned yelling. So really, is being a control freak all that bad?
Meet Haylie Jo. Free spirited, quirky, stubborn, do her own thing, Haylie Jo. That girl was born with a mind of her own and does not bend her will for anyone. Does that mean she talks back to her teacher or doesn't ever listen to me? No. In fact, she is super level headed. She doesn't let other's emotions determine her mood. Jozlyn may be irritable, even towards Haylie, and she just lets it go. But there are times when you want her to do something and she will absolutely not listen. I've learned to pick my battles. Fine you want to wear the hood of your coat on all the time, regardless if it's raining or not (a pet peeve of mine), go right ahead. You want to watch TV instead of doing your homework, um no. Well, this little stubborn girl has taken to starving herself. Yup, that's right. Starving herself. You would never know it by the looks of her, she looks downright healthy. How did this start?
A year ago I had Owen, quit my job, and became a SAHM. I committed to making all meals, and specifically, dinner every night. AND I DID IT! It has felt like such an accomplishment for me. My mom never taught me to cook, and then I was in college and working and I never had time to teach myself. I would make spaghetti, a roast, grilled cheese sandwiches, and McDonald's would make us chicken nuggets and hamburgers. Yes, we ate out more than I'd like to admit. I knew how unhealthy it was for us but seriously, I was busy. So, I began finding new recipes, teaching myself to cook, meal planning, and making some super yummy food. Only, Haylie Jo liked McDonald's chicken nuggets, not the homemade chicken nugget recipe I found on allrecipes that had over 1000 5 star reviews. Thus began our dinnertime struggle. I would make something, Haylie would refuse to eat it, Haylie would wake up in the morning doubled over in pain from hunger. Yes, it was that bad. So after a few times of that Josh and I decided if she didn't eat dinner, she could eat a few healthy snacks before bed like a banana or string cheese. I mentioned this to her pediatrician who set us up an appointment to see a dietician, which we did yesterday....
My mind isn't quite working the way it should today, but I have been wanting to blog for a week now. Josh's family came into town for the first week of July. FUN! My grandpa died on the 4th of July. Not fun. Anyway, those stories are for another time. I have been wanting to blog on goals for a while now.
Since I've became a SAHM for almost a year now...what? Yes, almost a year! Something I've had in abundance is time to reflect on who I am and who I want to be. During those school days when the girls were at school and Josh was at work, I found myself having some peace and quiet. What happens when my house is peaceful and quiet? My mind wanders. I know my kids aren't in school, but I've still managed to find time to reflect on who I am. I've decided to start setting 3 small goals a month, one spiritual, one health, and one on improving my interactions with other people.
Right now my health goal is to give up soda, for good! My goal was to not drink any soda in the month of July...I've had 2 so far.....that's okay though. To go from drinking soda nearly daily to one a week is a great accomplishment in my opinion. I already know my health goal for August - eat a healthy breakfast daily. I almost never eat breakfast.
My spiritual goal? Pray. My goal is to say my personal prayers morning and night, and to encourage family prayers morning, night, and meals. Something I really need to work on..... My spiritual goal for August? Personal and family scripture study.
How can I interact with other people more effectively? Hmmm, not such an easy goal to make. I guess right now my goal is to let people off the hook. I don't get offended easily but I do tend to let myself feel hurt by situations that I can't control or even the hurt-ee can't control. What's the point in that? So I'm trying to be nicer in my mind I guess, haha! Not sure what my August goal will be yet...
Anyway, I just thought maybe I could encourage you to set a few small goals for yourself. You don't have to wait for a new year to set goals and resolutions! Get over the "I will start on Monday" thing. You will feel so much better about yourself if you are striving to be a better person, even if your progress is only a small amount at a time.
So after some pensive posts of late I decided to bring you all some fun. I have been known to call myself the human jukebox. Seriously people the only music I don't love is screamo. Anyway, after becoming a mom about 10 years ago, I pushed my love of rap and hard rock to the back burner. I still love me some rap and hard rock when I'm alone in the car or running outside, but I try to keep most of my music family friendly. A bonus to this way of thinking is I can expose my kids to all types of music and put it on their iPods without feeling guilty. I've always had a little hippie in me. Maybe the term is hipster? I don't know but I like some indie alternative music that's for sure. Especially the singer-songwriter indie music, mmmmmm. Anyway here is my new favorite band. They won some huge music festival in Iceland and are becoming super popular around the world. I have been listening to their album for a few months and what do you know? Barnes and Noble now play the album on a loop in their store. Who are they? Of Monsters and Men.
Here is one of their songs called Little Talks. The video is a little weird and doesn't really depict what the song is about (a couple where the husband has died) but I LOVE the song!
Wondering how our first night crying it out went? Waaaaayyyyy better than expected. After completing our regular routine of pajamas, reading a book, nursing, and cuddling (missing out on our favorite part - a walk outside - due to nasty wind) I laid him down in his crib, patted his chest, told him I loved him, and left. As I listened to him start to cry tears filled my eyes. Why? Why did I have to do this? I could go in, pick him up, hold him close and he would stop crying and fall blissfully asleep in my arms. What would that lead to? Waking every 3 hours to nurse and potentially fall off the bed and break his neck. Okay, I do have to do this. As my dad told me, Owen is going through an adjustment and sometimes when babies have to adjust, they cry. As hard as it seems, after the adjustment phase everyone is better for it.
Anyways, I watched the clock wondering how many hours I would listen to my baby cry and gearing up for a long night. 13 minutes? What? Yep, Owen only cried 13 minutes before falling asleep. It couldn't be that easy.....So I stayed up till 11:30 waiting to hear him....still silence. I sent Josh in to make sure he was alive. He was. So I went to sleep. Didn't hear a sound till about 2 a.m. He cried for 5 minutes and fell back asleep. I heard him cry about 5 times total between 8:30, when he fell asleep, and 6:45 when he woke up. Each time he woke during the night he only cried 5 minutes.
Nap time right now. Where is Owen. Asleep in his crib! With NO crying! Just a little whimpering before falling asleep. Oh people, please say it isn't a fluke....
Yes, I am once again in peril. Remember when I tried to let Owen cry it out to sleep back about 4 months ago? Well it never really worked because once again I sabotaged the situation. He was only 7 months! What if he really was hungry? So I would go in to feed him a couple of times a night which led to Owen never really learning to soothe himself to sleep. So, after 2 weeks of awfulness, Owen came back into bed with us and still nurses about 3 times a night (better than the 8 times previous to 1st try crying it out). Well, he will be 11 months old this week and with weaning in the near future, I've decided to night wean him now. He doesn't need to nurse at night anymore, he just is out of habit. AND, now don't judge me, he fell out of bed last night (and it wasn't the first time). Owen is a super light sleeper and quite restless most nights. He likes to wiggle around until he gets comfortable before falling asleep. When he is fully awake, he won't try to crawl off the bed. But sleepy Owen will wiggle right off the bed. After last night's 2 a.m. thud, Josh basically demanded I quit nursing him during the night, put him in his crib, and let him cry it out. I agree with Josh that the chance of Owen getting hurt by falling off the bed should be taken seriously so I will comply. I just HATE hearing Owen cry. I HATE IT! When Josh gets home, we are lowering the crib mattress and in Owey will go. Lord help me.
No, I'm not pregnant. Did I have you wondering by the post title, hahaha! But Baby Berry #4 has been on my mind a lot lately. Am I done being pregnant/having children? Or is there another baby waiting to join our family? Does Owen need a sibling closer to his age? Or do I love that I will have so much time alone with him? I'm constantly at odds with myself. Josh feels this way too. He'll say, "No more kids. Having babies is too stressful." The next day he says, "Owen needs a brother. Owen, do you want a brother?" Yes, I remind him it could be a girl but he is in full denial. If we have another baby, it WILL be a boy in his mind. Anyway, Owen has been a blessing but having him has also been a big challenge for me. I needed him. I needed the whole experience. I got pregnant with the girls really young and didn't have the whole "everybody super excited for me, go maternity clothes shopping with my mom, buy baby stuff and ready the nursery" experience. I needed that. I yearned for it. That's what Owen gave me. Everything about him was just happy and fun. From Josh and I deciding to welcome another child into our home, trying to conceive (yay, our first planned child!), getting the 3 am positive test, telling our family at Christmas, proudly strutting my belly around, a baby shower, having a natural birth, all of it. I love that boy so much. At the same time, he has been my most challenging baby. He wants to be held ALL the time and I hate crying so I give in (which causes him to cry to be held). Now that he is crawling he is into everything! We can't do the same fun stuff we did as a family sans Owen. There are so many things I miss about not having a baby. Getting a full nights sleep, working out a the gym or going for a run, cleaning the house in 1 day - not 5, reading a book in the bathtub (heaven if you add a coke to that mix), watching TV shows and not thinking about the sleep I'm losing. Yes, all selfish reasons but I feel the loss of those things. I know the time will come when I can do those things again. There are times I think about how fast 18 years will go and I panic. When someone lives around 90 or so years, 18 is hardly anything! But alas sometimes I feel like I'm just biding my time until Owen turns 3 and starts to get a little easier... Enter Baby Berry #4. Josh and I agreed that we won't have anymore babies in the house we currently live in. It's just too small. We agreed if we meet some financial goals this year, then next year this house goes on the market. Then if we are going to have 1 last baby, we'll get er' done. Owen will be around 3 then and just getting easier. Do I go and start all over AGAIN?! It stresses me out to think about it. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. Especially my own. I look at Owen and my heart melts. When he's upset he cries "Mama!" and I love it more than anything. It's fun seeing him progress from a round ball of skin, diapers, and reflexes to a mobile baby just starting to show his personality. It's just hard work having babies. I told Josh the other day, "If we were in a bigger house I'd say let's get pregnant NOW and get it over with." I always felt we would have 4 children. I just don't know if I have it in me. So to you I ask; how did you know when you were done having babies? What made you decide to be done?
School is out for summer (insert look of horror). Don't get me wrong, I love my girly girls. Yes, summer means sleeping in, no homework, cloud watching, barbecues, swimming, snow cones, etc. But here at the Berry Patch, it also means boredom and bickering. Oh ya, I'm a SAHM. That means it gets to be me...all summer....trying to combat boredom and bickering. Thanks to the creative ladies on pinterest, I've come up with some ideas to help get us through summer, and maybe even enjoy it! Don't worry, I'll share my ideas with you too!
Welcome to "The Lost Week." Something I came up with to ease the girls into our summer schedule. The first week after school gets out is deemed The Lost Week. During the lost week the girls can sleep in, watch as much TV as they want, play their electronics to their hearts' desire, snack as much as they want. Basically it's a free for all! My only rules are: they still have to shower daily by noon and complete their morning chores (basic make bed, etc.). That's it! I figured they needed a break right? That's where we are right now. I'm soooo bored! Seriously. I thrive on schedules.
Which brings me to our summer schedule. Every morning the girls must complete their tasks to earn the afternoon activity. Their morning tasks are to wake up at 7:00, shower and get ready, clean bedroom, and help with daily house cleaning. They must also read 30 minutes per day, and write 1 page per day. They can write anything such as stories, plays, journal, whatever. If these tasks are completed, then each day we do an activity.
Make it Monday - Arts and Crafts
Time to Read Tuesday - Library and/or Bookstore
Wet n' Wild Wednesday - Water! Sprinkler, swimming pool, anything water!
Town Time Thursday - Movies, park, zoo, museum, whatever
Friday Friend Day - Invite a friend over
Spend time together Saturday - Family Day
Spiritual Sunday - no schedule
Jozlyn will have ballet 3 mornings a week, and Haylie Jo will have swim team 4 days per week.
Every evening they get ready for bed, pick up toys or activities, and it's lights out by 9.
I have also helped the girls come up with a list of things to learn this summer like, how to use the blow dryer, make mac n' cheese, mop the floor.
Don't worry. We will still have free time. Plenty of cloud watching, snow cones, and yes, TV (gasp). I just know that we thrive on a schedule. I'm hoping this will cut down the time spent on electronics and complaining about boredom. A girl can dream right?
Yes, I'm still trying to lose the baby weight. Although now that Owen is nearly 10 months old, I think the weight would now qualify as "mine." Just in case you didn't know (or notice), I gained a whopping 60 lbs when I was pregnant with Owen! Whew! That's like carrying around a 3rd grader all the time! No wonder I was so tired. Anyway. On my quest to regain the body I once knew, I've decided to follow clean eating. What is clean eating? Something you probably all know but I'll give the rules in bullet form just in case. - Only eat single ingredient foods like fruits, vegetables, nuts, meat, and diary (though I know dairy has more than one ingredient, you get the picture) - Only use olive oil and butter. NO vegetable oil or margarine. - when eating pasta, rice, or bread, it must all be whole wheat - If you have to buy something boxed or canned, it should contain 3 ingredients or less - If don't recognize an ingredient, your body won't recognize it either - Drink a gallon of water a day - Yes, I said a gallon! - Follow the 80/20 rule (eat clean 80% of the time, have what you want 20%) - Fat contained in food does not = fat in the body. So fat free doesn't mean healthy and fat doesn't mean unhealthy. Know your fats! Olive oil, avocados, butter all contain healthy fats! This is basically how we should all eat all the time. No processed foods, no fast foods, no junk in our body. I know it sounds hard but it really isn't. I've found that I can eat so much more than I used to. Clean foods usually contain less calories than the junk plus you get all the vitamins and healthy stuff your body needs. I still allow myself a few cheats. I have a soda once a week or so. No more than 2 per week. I also mix some plain chocolate m & m's with almonds and peanuts so I can have a little treat when snacking. I allow myself ranch dressing with my veggies. Why not? I feel so much better when I eat clean and I look better too (bonus)! When I'm trying to lose weight I do all of the above plus I calorie count and watch my carb intake. I try to stick to eating 1200 calories a day (a little more actually since I'm nursing), and no more than 165 carbs per day. I try to up my protein and fiber intake as well. I shoot for 45g of protein daily and 14g of fiber. Though I give myself a free day a week where I don't count calories. So far I've lose 47 lbs of that "baby weight" which means I've still got 13 more to lose. My goal is to lose it all by Owen's 1st birthday. That gives me 2 months to meet my goal. Cheer me on!
Picture this if you will. A table of middle school girls eating lunch. They appear well put together. Hair is neatly combed. Clothing clean, modest, and in style. Lunch? From home of course, complete with "I love you" scratched into a banana with a toothpick. Okay, the banana-grams were in my girls' lunch boxes (I have to score cool-mom points somehow). Anyway, they are heard laughing. What is the meaning of this laughter. Just what is so funny? "My mom said, 'I can't do that for you right now. You are not my only priority!" Laughter ensues. These nice girls were laughing about....THEIR MOTHERS!!! GASP! This was a conversation I overheard while volunteering in the library at the school. That reminded me.....
"I'm mad so I'm gonna clean the kitchen!" Words my mother spoke at 1 in the morning during a sleepover with a friend. I remember hearing her banging around so I went upstairs to see what was going on. That's when the aforementioned conversation happened. That was a favorite. A favorite what? A favorite line shared in laughter between me and my friend. Oh yes, I was a mom-laugher-at-her.
Another memory. My friend tells me she thinks her mom is having a midlife crisis. Why? "I came home from school to find my mom, still in her sweats, eating a bowl of cereal AND a bowl of ice cream, and watching Saved by the Bell reruns. She's lost it!"
It dawned on me. Wait, I'm a mom! That means things I do will invariably cause a snicker or two behind my back. Why just last night I was walking around in my favorite pajama pants only to hear little hehe and hawhaws behind me. "What?" says I. "You have a hole in your pants. ON YOUR BUTT!" BWAHAHAHA! And that was to my face! Which leads me to wonder....what will my kids say about me when I'm not around?
That pretty much sums up how I've felt since I've become a SAHM (stay at home mom). I love it. I hate it. I have so much time. I have no time. I love a clean house. I hate cleaning. I assume you all know the feeling. I hate to admit I romanticized the notion of becoming a SAHM. My house would be clean all the time, laundry done. Dinner, complete with candles and Chopin. Kids quietly painting with watercolors at the table adorned with homemade runner and fresh-cut flowers from the garden. Bwahhahahahaha! Really?! Was I that naive? I'm a mom! An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpant wearing, dark circle eyes, mom (who right now is simultaneously typing and trying to save newly mobile Owen from death by technological cords and devices). Okay, so obviously my notions of becoming supermom were thrown out with the overflowing garbage that should have been taken out yesterday....morning.
Then came the darkness. You know. The literal darkness of winter and all that it implies. Never leaving the house, never getting dressed up, losing all motivation. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Like the movie Groundhog day. Then, on a typical Sunday afternoon, my home teachers came over. One asked me how I've been doing as a SAHM. Trying to appear a loving, devoted mother and wife I answered with something like, "I love it. I really needed a break from the world and being in the world." I did mean this. I did need a break from the world, but I wouldn't actually say that I'm on a break. Okay, back on task. Anyway he replied, "That's an interesting perspective. When my wife would complain about staying home or all the work she had, I would say, 'Ya, but all day you get to be with people who love you." That got me thinking. How did I feel about my mom when I was young. Did I care if our house was spotless? Or if we ate casserole or McDonalds? Not really. So I realized I needed an attitude change. I can't be supermom, but I knew I could do better.
I thought about what I was already doing. I was pretty good at fulfilling the needs in my family. So what could I change? It came to me. I could focus more on bringing happiness to my family. What could I do to bring happiness to every person in my family? Josh needs 2 things to be happy-good food and me. I noticed that when I cooked a good dinner and baked some cookies, walah! Josh is happy. Jozlyn really enjoys undivided attention. Talk to her alone for 10 minutes and she is altogether happy and in a better mood. Haylie Jo needs freedom. She needs a break from school stuff, chores and the like. She needs free time to play however she wants to play and to be as loud or wild as she wants. Owen, well he needs me. All the time. And Baby Einstein (my official lifesaver).
Now, I know you all are thinking (the 4 who read my blog :)) "What about you?" Well, this is where things get tricky. What makes me happy? Well, a little of all the above. I like a clean home, cooked meals, one on one time with Jozlyn, seeing Haylie Jo and the creativity freedom allows her, and kissing Owen's cheeks until he can't take it anymore! I love serving my family. Coca-Cola makes me happy (my guilty pleasure). AND a good run. Alone....outside....the wind in my face......my music cranked up......thinking of nothing but keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythm. MMMMmmmmm. So the best day includes cleaning my house, cooking dinner, hanging out with family, going running, and top it off with a ice cold Coke while kids are sleeping.
So, you might say that most of the things that make my family happy are things I should be doing anyway. What's changed? My attitude. I know think of cleaning as blessing my home (as Flylady would say. Check her out online. I love her!). I think of cooking as nourishing my family. I relish time with my girls. I think of the time spent together as bonding moments which will create the foundation we need to brave the hard times that are to come.
Hi, my name is Katie. I'm no supermom. I'm a mom. An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpants wearing, dark-circle eyes, mom. A serving mom. A loving mom. Who drank out of my glass? That's okay. It's still half full :)
This is the post where I go more into depth about Owen's sleep problems....and how I probably created them :(
Owen was the most darling baby boy I'd ever seen, and was a pretty good sleeper as a newborn. After the initial cluster feeding when he was a few days old, he would wake to eat every 3-4 hours on the dot. A few times he slept 5 hours which was complete bliss! Around 3 months old he started only waking once or twice at night to eat-not bad at all! Right around 4 months....growth spurt and back to waking every 3 hours UGH! So in my exhausted state, I brought him into bed with me. Why not(and this is where I digress about the girls).
Jozlyn was born premature and stayed in the hospital for just shy of a month. The only good thing about that whole experience (the hospital stuff-not Jozlyn. We love her :) was she came home on a schedule! AND she slept through the night at 8 weeks! Bliss.
Haylie Jo was a little harder. She had to nurse to fall asleep or have someone lay by her. BUT, Haylie Jo was and is a deep sleeper. Once she was asleep we could have a party and toss her around and she would remain fast asleep (though we didn't actually try that)! She slept with us without a single problem.
So, back to Owen. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal if Owen slept with us. Haylie Jo did and it was almost ideal. So in he came. I got more rest and he started to wake once a night again. Perfect.....until 5 months. He started waking more and more often to nibble over the course of a month. He went from waking to eat once a night to 8 times a night over the course of a month. By the time he was 6 months old he was waking to eat 8-10 times and night and would cry loudly for 5 minutes each time before he would eat. Not to mention he had grown so used to sleeping next to me that he couldn't sleep without me! The only way he would sleep is if I hugged him as close to my body as he could get with both of my arms wrapped around him.
His sleep habits were affecting my whole family. Josh has a hard time sleeping anyway due to his back problems (another story, another day), so he was literally a zombie in the morning. Jozlyn, my light sleeper, would wake every time he did and actually became sick, due to lack of sleep. Haylie Jo remained unaffected although I don't know how. And me? Well, I basically could bite your head off at any moment.
So, that's when I started researching. I realized that Owen has a multilayer problem. The first, he has to nurse to sleep. The second, he can't sleep without me. Third, he was frequent night wakings and can't self soothe back to sleep. First and foremost, I put him on a schedule and created a solid bedtime and nap routine (which I had been already been loosely doing since he was born). Then, I quit nursing him to sleep. The Eat Sleep Play routine is kinda what we did. At night if he woke to nurse, I'd give him a pacifier. Did that for a week. Then I started putting him in his crib to sleep. Did that for a week. If he woke, in went the pacifier. So now, we are at the last problem - self soothing. If Owen was to learn to self soothe to sleep, the pacifier had to go. He was still waking 8-10 times a night for the pacifier. I knew that taking away the pacifier was going to take come crying. This is where we are now, crying it out.
What I hate most about this whole ordeal is that if I never wouldn't have brought Owen into bed with us, he probably wouldn't have created such bad sleep habits. IF I have another baby someday (that's a big IF), I will never bring them into bed with me. Don't get me wrong, I love my babies. I love the nights I could hold Owen close. I love the smell of his hair and his sweet little sleeping face. I sincerely wish Owen could sleep with me. But alas, Owen needs his sleep and so does the rest of my family.
Yesterday I posted how hard the 1st night of crying it out with Owen was on facebook. Some ladies told me about a book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. I immediately downloaded the book on my Nook and read like a madwoman. I knew some of the basic stuff but I liked how the author used science to back up his claims. What I learned (that I sorta intrinsically knew) was the by going to soothe Owen every so often, I was reinforcing his crying behavior. Duh! I did study Behaviorism in college. What's wrong with me? Well, when it comes to parenting I forget all that professional stuff. I just want to soothe my crying baby! Anyway, I came to the knowledge that for Owen's sleep problems to improve, we needed to use the extinction method. The extinction method is where you ignore the behavior (crying) and eventually the behavior will stop. That means no going in to soothe or check up on Owen :( I asked Josh to check in on him every once in a while to make sure he didn't get a leg stuck between the slats in the crib or pull the blanket over his face.
Well, the night was definitely better. He softly cried for 10 minutes when falling asleep, woke an hour later and cried for 15 minutes. Woke 4 hours later and I fed him after which he cried for 5 minutes. Then he woke up 4 hours later and cried on and off for an hour. Finally slept another 90 minutes and then up for the day at 6:30. Not bad I'd say. Going from waking 8-10 times a night, 3 isn't bad at all! I want to get him down to getting up once a night for a feed. Nursing babies can't go 12 hours without eating in my opinion.
Nap time today has been a different story. He cried for the majority of his first nap time. He's laying down right and now and crying on and off although I KNOW he is tired.
I hate this whole thing. I HATE hearing my baby crying. AND I especially hate knowing that it's for me. All I'd have to do is pick him up and he would stop crying UGH! But I know the only way to get Owen sleeping better is to allow him to cry. I tried gentler methods for weeks and nothing else has worked.
So, Owen is now 7 months old (!) and we are sleep training him......and it's awful. I've read 3 books on baby schedules and sleep and tried vast methods of getting him to sleep. Nothing has worked. At about 6 weeks old, Owen started waking up once a night to eat, not bad I'd say. Around 3 months he went through a growth spurt and started waking up every 3 hours again, UGH! I brought him in bed with me at night because I was too exhausted to get up that often. Well, at 5 months old he started waking up every hour for a nibble so to say and by 6 months he wouldn't sleep unless I was near him. That means I went to bed at 7 and he woke up at 5:30 with me and took 2 naps a day! Sound nice? It's not when you have two other children, a husband, and a house that needs taking care of.
So I read The No-Cry Sleep Solution. The basic premise? Don't nurse your baby to sleep. Check, I've stopped nursing Owen to sleep for 2 weeks. Um, he's still waking up 8-10 times a night...and crying loudly. So in goes the pacifier. He continues to wake up every 8-10 times a night for the pacifier. I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer which tells me how to take care of a newborn...great...Oh, just pick your baby up and soothe him, and set him back down. Well, picking up a 20 lb determined 7 month old every time he cries? I tried and figured out I physically can't do it all night.
So, I ask myself, what's the big deal? Why can't he sleep with me and wake up 8-10 times a night. If's affecting my whole family. One wall separates our room from the girl's room and Owen is waking up the entire family every time he wakes up. Jozlyn had to stay home from school yesterday because she was so tired.
So, we are crying it out. Last night was the first night and I feel like I'm going to lose it. He cried for 3 1/2 hours before sleeping 2. Then cried for an hour, sleep for 2, then cried for an hour and we are up for the day at 4:30! I just can't help but feel like he's thinking I abandoned him. My darling baby boy who loves me so much he can't even sleep without me, and I'm just leaving him to feel helpless. Is that what I'm doing? Am I changing him? Will he forever be distrustful? Will our bond be the same? WILL I EVER SLEEP AGAIN?
