Who drank out of my glass? Now it's only half full!

That pretty much sums up how I've felt since I've become a SAHM (stay at home mom). I love it. I hate it. I have so much time. I have no time. I love a clean house. I hate cleaning. I assume you all know the feeling. I hate to admit I romanticized the notion of becoming a SAHM. My house would be clean all the time, laundry done. Dinner, complete with candles and Chopin. Kids quietly painting with watercolors at the table adorned with homemade runner and fresh-cut flowers from the garden. Bwahhahahahaha! Really?! Was I that naive? I'm a mom! An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpant wearing, dark circle eyes, mom (who right now is simultaneously typing and trying to save newly mobile Owen from death by technological cords and devices). Okay, so obviously my notions of becoming supermom were thrown out with the overflowing garbage that should have been taken out yesterday....morning.

Then came the darkness. You know. The literal darkness of winter and all that it implies. Never leaving the house, never getting dressed up, losing all motivation. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Like the movie Groundhog day. Then, on a typical Sunday afternoon, my home teachers came over. One asked me how I've been doing as a SAHM. Trying to appear a loving, devoted mother and wife I answered with something like, "I love it. I really needed a break from the world and being in the world." I did mean this. I did need a break from the world, but I wouldn't actually say that I'm on a break. Okay, back on task. Anyway he replied, "That's an interesting perspective. When my wife would complain about staying home or all the work she had, I would say, 'Ya, but all day you get to be with people who love you." That got me thinking. How did I feel about my mom when I was young. Did I care if our house was spotless? Or if we ate casserole or McDonalds? Not really. So I realized I needed an attitude change. I can't be supermom, but I knew I could do better.

I thought about what I was already doing. I was pretty good at fulfilling the needs in my family. So what could I change? It came to me. I could focus more on bringing happiness to my family. What could I do to bring happiness to every person in my family? Josh needs 2 things to be happy-good food and me. I noticed that when I cooked a good dinner and baked some cookies, walah! Josh is happy. Jozlyn really enjoys undivided attention. Talk to her alone for 10 minutes and she is altogether happy and in a better mood. Haylie Jo needs freedom. She needs a break from school stuff, chores and the like. She needs free time to play however she wants to play and to be as loud or wild as she wants. Owen, well he needs me. All the time. And Baby Einstein (my official lifesaver).

Now, I know you all are thinking (the 4 who read my blog :)) "What about you?" Well, this is where things get tricky. What makes me happy? Well, a little of all the above. I like a clean home, cooked meals, one on one time with Jozlyn, seeing Haylie Jo and the creativity freedom allows her, and kissing Owen's cheeks until he can't take it anymore! I love serving my family. Coca-Cola makes me happy (my guilty pleasure). AND a good run. Alone....outside....the wind in my face......my music cranked up......thinking of nothing but keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythm. MMMMmmmmm. So the best day includes cleaning my house, cooking dinner, hanging out with family, going running, and top it off with a ice cold Coke while kids are sleeping.

So, you might say that most of the things that make my family happy are things I should be doing anyway. What's changed? My attitude. I know think of cleaning as blessing my home (as Flylady would say. Check her out online. I love her!). I think of cooking as nourishing my family. I relish time with my girls. I think of the time spent together as bonding moments which will create the foundation we need to brave the hard times that are to come.

Hi, my name is Katie. I'm no supermom. I'm a mom. An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpants wearing, dark-circle eyes, mom. A serving mom. A loving mom. Who drank out of my glass? That's okay. It's still half full :)