No, I'm not pregnant. Did I have you wondering by the post title, hahaha! But Baby Berry #4 has been on my mind a lot lately. Am I done being pregnant/having children? Or is there another baby waiting to join our family? Does Owen need a sibling closer to his age? Or do I love that I will have so much time alone with him? I'm constantly at odds with myself. Josh feels this way too. He'll say, "No more kids. Having babies is too stressful." The next day he says, "Owen needs a brother. Owen, do you want a brother?" Yes, I remind him it could be a girl but he is in full denial. If we have another baby, it WILL be a boy in his mind. Anyway, Owen has been a blessing but having him has also been a big challenge for me. I needed him. I needed the whole experience. I got pregnant with the girls really young and didn't have the whole "everybody super excited for me, go maternity clothes shopping with my mom, buy baby stuff and ready the nursery" experience. I needed that. I yearned for it. That's what Owen gave me. Everything about him was just happy and fun. From Josh and I deciding to welcome another child into our home, trying to conceive (yay, our first planned child!), getting the 3 am positive test, telling our family at Christmas, proudly strutting my belly around, a baby shower, having a natural birth, all of it. I love that boy so much. At the same time, he has been my most challenging baby. He wants to be held ALL the time and I hate crying so I give in (which causes him to cry to be held). Now that he is crawling he is into everything! We can't do the same fun stuff we did as a family sans Owen. There are so many things I miss about not having a baby. Getting a full nights sleep, working out a the gym or going for a run, cleaning the house in 1 day - not 5, reading a book in the bathtub (heaven if you add a coke to that mix), watching TV shows and not thinking about the sleep I'm losing. Yes, all selfish reasons but I feel the loss of those things. I know the time will come when I can do those things again. There are times I think about how fast 18 years will go and I panic. When someone lives around 90 or so years, 18 is hardly anything! But alas sometimes I feel like I'm just biding my time until Owen turns 3 and starts to get a little easier... Enter Baby Berry #4. Josh and I agreed that we won't have anymore babies in the house we currently live in. It's just too small. We agreed if we meet some financial goals this year, then next year this house goes on the market. Then if we are going to have 1 last baby, we'll get er' done. Owen will be around 3 then and just getting easier. Do I go and start all over AGAIN?! It stresses me out to think about it. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. Especially my own. I look at Owen and my heart melts. When he's upset he cries "Mama!" and I love it more than anything. It's fun seeing him progress from a round ball of skin, diapers, and reflexes to a mobile baby just starting to show his personality. It's just hard work having babies. I told Josh the other day, "If we were in a bigger house I'd say let's get pregnant NOW and get it over with." I always felt we would have 4 children. I just don't know if I have it in me. So to you I ask; how did you know when you were done having babies? What made you decide to be done?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
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3 comments:
We love your cute family!! Owen is so stinkin cute! the answer to your question, how did you know when you were done having babies, is probably the same answer to my question, how do you know when to start having babies? There are sometimes where I want one so much, I want to see what it will look like, what to name it, what to dress it..all those things! We went and stopped by Toys R us the other day to pet the CUTEST little golden retriever pups! so stinkin cute! and I got that same feeling again..I just wanted one so much! HAhAhA! So really, how do you know? I forget that I'm going to actually have to teach my child how to make good choices, how to choose the right, how to have manners...etc.
You saying that you'll have another baby when you move into a new house is the similar to what I'm saying haha...Maybe when we finish school..Funny thing is, We know the answers to our questions! Deep down, I think we know hahah. oh life.
I knew after having two babies so close together that I couldn't do it again. I'm the same way I love my two and I sometimes yearn for more, I miss being pregnant but my children as babies were horrible. Up until the 6 month mark they cried and whined and never slept. I think it depends on the situation and just how you feel. You know how people are always telling you if you waited until you were ready you might not do it?
Just found your blog - so fun to read. This post makes my head hurt because I feel this way a lot! We adopt because we can't conceive and I always wonder how many we are supposed to have and if I want another child for me or for my kid(s) to have a sibling. And the space issue...ugh! All I know is that it seems impossible to think about another baby while you still have a young one zapping all your energy. Good luck.
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