Cry It Out - 1st night update

Wondering how our first night crying it out went? Waaaaayyyyy better than expected. After completing our regular routine of pajamas, reading a book, nursing, and cuddling (missing out on our favorite part - a walk outside - due to nasty wind) I laid him down in his crib, patted his chest, told him I loved him, and left. As I listened to him start to cry tears filled my eyes. Why? Why did I have to do this? I could go in, pick him up, hold him close and he would stop crying and fall blissfully asleep in my arms. What would that lead to? Waking every 3 hours to nurse and potentially fall off the bed and break his neck. Okay, I do have to do this. As my dad told me, Owen is going through an adjustment and sometimes when babies have to adjust, they cry. As hard as it seems, after the adjustment phase everyone is better for it.

Anyways, I watched the clock wondering how many hours I would listen to my baby cry and gearing up for a long night. 13 minutes? What? Yep, Owen only cried 13 minutes before falling asleep. It couldn't be that easy.....So I stayed up till 11:30 waiting to hear him....still silence. I sent Josh in to make sure he was alive. He was. So I went to sleep. Didn't hear a sound till about 2 a.m. He cried for 5 minutes and fell back asleep. I heard him cry about 5 times total between 8:30, when he fell asleep, and 6:45 when he woke up. Each time he woke during the night he only cried 5 minutes.

Nap time right now. Where is Owen. Asleep in his crib! With NO crying! Just a little whimpering before falling asleep. Oh people, please say it isn't a fluke....

Cry It Out- 2nd try

Yes, I am once again in peril. Remember when I tried to let Owen cry it out to sleep back about 4 months ago? Well it never really worked because once again I sabotaged the situation. He was only 7 months! What if he really was hungry? So I would go in to feed him a couple of times a night which led to Owen never really learning to soothe himself to sleep. So, after 2 weeks of awfulness, Owen came back into bed with us and still nurses about 3 times a night (better than the 8 times previous to 1st try crying it out). Well, he will be 11 months old this week and with weaning in the near future, I've decided to night wean him now. He doesn't need to nurse at night anymore, he just is out of habit. AND, now don't judge me, he fell out of bed last night (and it wasn't the first time). Owen is a super light sleeper and quite restless most nights. He likes to wiggle around until he gets comfortable before falling asleep. When he is fully awake, he won't try to crawl off the bed. But sleepy Owen will wiggle right off the bed. After last night's 2 a.m. thud, Josh basically demanded I quit nursing him during the night, put him in his crib, and let him cry it out. I agree with Josh that the chance of Owen getting hurt by falling off the bed should be taken seriously so I will comply. I just HATE hearing Owen cry. I HATE IT! When Josh gets home, we are lowering the crib mattress and in Owey will go. Lord help me.

Baby Berry #4?

No, I'm not pregnant. Did I have you wondering by the post title, hahaha! But Baby Berry #4 has been on my mind a lot lately. Am I done being pregnant/having children? Or is there another baby waiting to join our family? Does Owen need a sibling closer to his age? Or do I love that I will have so much time alone with him? I'm constantly at odds with myself. Josh feels this way too. He'll say, "No more kids. Having babies is too stressful." The next day he says, "Owen needs a brother. Owen, do you want a brother?" Yes, I remind him it could be a girl but he is in full denial. If we have another baby, it WILL be a boy in his mind. Anyway, Owen has been a blessing but having him has also been a big challenge for me. I needed him. I needed the whole experience. I got pregnant with the girls really young and didn't have the whole "everybody super excited for me, go maternity clothes shopping with my mom, buy baby stuff and ready the nursery" experience. I needed that. I yearned for it. That's what Owen gave me. Everything about him was just happy and fun. From Josh and I deciding to welcome another child into our home, trying to conceive (yay, our first planned child!), getting the 3 am positive test, telling our family at Christmas, proudly strutting my belly around, a baby shower, having a natural birth, all of it. I love that boy so much. At the same time, he has been my most challenging baby. He wants to be held ALL the time and I hate crying so I give in (which causes him to cry to be held). Now that he is crawling he is into everything! We can't do the same fun stuff we did as a family sans Owen. There are so many things I miss about not having a baby. Getting a full nights sleep, working out a the gym or going for a run, cleaning the house in 1 day - not 5, reading a book in the bathtub (heaven if you add a coke to that mix), watching TV shows and not thinking about the sleep I'm losing. Yes, all selfish reasons but I feel the loss of those things. I know the time will come when I can do those things again. There are times I think about how fast 18 years will go and I panic. When someone lives around 90 or so years, 18 is hardly anything! But alas sometimes I feel like I'm just biding my time until Owen turns 3 and starts to get a little easier... Enter Baby Berry #4. Josh and I agreed that we won't have anymore babies in the house we currently live in. It's just too small. We agreed if we meet some financial goals this year, then next year this house goes on the market. Then if we are going to have 1 last baby, we'll get er' done. Owen will be around 3 then and just getting easier. Do I go and start all over AGAIN?! It stresses me out to think about it. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. Especially my own. I look at Owen and my heart melts. When he's upset he cries "Mama!" and I love it more than anything. It's fun seeing him progress from a round ball of skin, diapers, and reflexes to a mobile baby just starting to show his personality. It's just hard work having babies. I told Josh the other day, "If we were in a bigger house I'd say let's get pregnant NOW and get it over with." I always felt we would have 4 children. I just don't know if I have it in me. So to you I ask; how did you know when you were done having babies? What made you decide to be done?

Summertime!

School is out for summer (insert look of horror). Don't get me wrong, I love my girly girls. Yes, summer means sleeping in, no homework, cloud watching, barbecues, swimming, snow cones, etc. But here at the Berry Patch, it also means boredom and bickering. Oh ya, I'm a SAHM. That means it gets to be me...all summer....trying to combat boredom and bickering. Thanks to the creative ladies on pinterest, I've come up with some ideas to help get us through summer, and maybe even enjoy it! Don't worry, I'll share my ideas with you too!

Welcome to "The Lost Week." Something I came up with to ease the girls into our summer schedule. The first week after school gets out is deemed The Lost Week. During the lost week the girls can sleep in, watch as much TV as they want, play their electronics to their hearts' desire, snack as much as they want. Basically it's a free for all! My only rules are: they still have to shower daily by noon and complete their morning chores (basic make bed, etc.). That's it! I figured they needed a break right? That's where we are right now. I'm soooo bored! Seriously. I thrive on schedules.

Which brings me to our summer schedule. Every morning the girls must complete their tasks to earn the afternoon activity. Their morning tasks are to wake up at 7:00, shower and get ready, clean bedroom, and help with daily house cleaning. They must also read 30 minutes per day, and write 1 page per day. They can write anything such as stories, plays, journal, whatever. If these tasks are completed, then each day we do an activity.

Make it Monday - Arts and Crafts
Time to Read Tuesday - Library and/or Bookstore
Wet n' Wild Wednesday - Water! Sprinkler, swimming pool, anything water!
Town Time Thursday - Movies, park, zoo, museum, whatever
Friday Friend Day - Invite a friend over
Spend time together Saturday - Family Day
Spiritual Sunday - no schedule

Jozlyn will have ballet 3 mornings a week, and Haylie Jo will have swim team 4 days per week.
Every evening they get ready for bed, pick up toys or activities, and it's lights out by 9.

I have also helped the girls come up with a list of things to learn this summer like, how to use the blow dryer, make mac n' cheese, mop the floor.

Don't worry. We will still have free time. Plenty of cloud watching, snow cones, and yes, TV (gasp). I just know that we thrive on a schedule. I'm hoping this will cut down the time spent on electronics and complaining about boredom. A girl can dream right?

Clean Eating

Yes, I'm still trying to lose the baby weight. Although now that Owen is nearly 10 months old, I think the weight would now qualify as "mine." Just in case you didn't know (or notice), I gained a whopping 60 lbs when I was pregnant with Owen! Whew! That's like carrying around a 3rd grader all the time! No wonder I was so tired. Anyway. On my quest to regain the body I once knew, I've decided to follow clean eating. What is clean eating? Something you probably all know but I'll give the rules in bullet form just in case. - Only eat single ingredient foods like fruits, vegetables, nuts, meat, and diary (though I know dairy has more than one ingredient, you get the picture) - Only use olive oil and butter. NO vegetable oil or margarine. - when eating pasta, rice, or bread, it must all be whole wheat - If you have to buy something boxed or canned, it should contain 3 ingredients or less - If don't recognize an ingredient, your body won't recognize it either - Drink a gallon of water a day - Yes, I said a gallon! - Follow the 80/20 rule (eat clean 80% of the time, have what you want 20%) - Fat contained in food does not = fat in the body. So fat free doesn't mean healthy and fat doesn't mean unhealthy. Know your fats! Olive oil, avocados, butter all contain healthy fats! This is basically how we should all eat all the time. No processed foods, no fast foods, no junk in our body. I know it sounds hard but it really isn't. I've found that I can eat so much more than I used to. Clean foods usually contain less calories than the junk plus you get all the vitamins and healthy stuff your body needs. I still allow myself a few cheats. I have a soda once a week or so. No more than 2 per week. I also mix some plain chocolate m & m's with almonds and peanuts so I can have a little treat when snacking. I allow myself ranch dressing with my veggies. Why not? I feel so much better when I eat clean and I look better too (bonus)! When I'm trying to lose weight I do all of the above plus I calorie count and watch my carb intake. I try to stick to eating 1200 calories a day (a little more actually since I'm nursing), and no more than 165 carbs per day. I try to up my protein and fiber intake as well. I shoot for 45g of protein daily and 14g of fiber. Though I give myself a free day a week where I don't count calories. So far I've lose 47 lbs of that "baby weight" which means I've still got 13 more to lose. My goal is to lose it all by Owen's 1st birthday. That gives me 2 months to meet my goal. Cheer me on!

WHAT will my kids say about ME?

Picture this if you will. A table of middle school girls eating lunch. They appear well put together. Hair is neatly combed. Clothing clean, modest, and in style. Lunch? From home of course, complete with "I love you" scratched into a banana with a toothpick. Okay, the banana-grams were in my girls' lunch boxes (I have to score cool-mom points somehow). Anyway, they are heard laughing. What is the meaning of this laughter. Just what is so funny? "My mom said, 'I can't do that for you right now. You are not my only priority!" Laughter ensues. These nice girls were laughing about....THEIR MOTHERS!!! GASP! This was a conversation I overheard while volunteering in the library at the school. That reminded me.....

"I'm mad so I'm gonna clean the kitchen!" Words my mother spoke at 1 in the morning during a sleepover with a friend. I remember hearing her banging around so I went upstairs to see what was going on. That's when the aforementioned conversation happened. That was a favorite. A favorite what? A favorite line shared in laughter between me and my friend. Oh yes, I was a mom-laugher-at-her.

Another memory. My friend tells me she thinks her mom is having a midlife crisis. Why? "I came home from school to find my mom, still in her sweats, eating a bowl of cereal AND a bowl of ice cream, and watching Saved by the Bell reruns. She's lost it!"

It dawned on me. Wait, I'm a mom! That means things I do will invariably cause a snicker or two behind my back. Why just last night I was walking around in my favorite pajama pants only to hear little hehe and hawhaws behind me. "What?" says I. "You have a hole in your pants. ON YOUR BUTT!" BWAHAHAHA! And that was to my face! Which leads me to wonder....what will my kids say about me when I'm not around?

Who drank out of my glass? Now it's only half full!

That pretty much sums up how I've felt since I've become a SAHM (stay at home mom). I love it. I hate it. I have so much time. I have no time. I love a clean house. I hate cleaning. I assume you all know the feeling. I hate to admit I romanticized the notion of becoming a SAHM. My house would be clean all the time, laundry done. Dinner, complete with candles and Chopin. Kids quietly painting with watercolors at the table adorned with homemade runner and fresh-cut flowers from the garden. Bwahhahahahaha! Really?! Was I that naive? I'm a mom! An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpant wearing, dark circle eyes, mom (who right now is simultaneously typing and trying to save newly mobile Owen from death by technological cords and devices). Okay, so obviously my notions of becoming supermom were thrown out with the overflowing garbage that should have been taken out yesterday....morning.

Then came the darkness. You know. The literal darkness of winter and all that it implies. Never leaving the house, never getting dressed up, losing all motivation. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Everyday the same. Like the movie Groundhog day. Then, on a typical Sunday afternoon, my home teachers came over. One asked me how I've been doing as a SAHM. Trying to appear a loving, devoted mother and wife I answered with something like, "I love it. I really needed a break from the world and being in the world." I did mean this. I did need a break from the world, but I wouldn't actually say that I'm on a break. Okay, back on task. Anyway he replied, "That's an interesting perspective. When my wife would complain about staying home or all the work she had, I would say, 'Ya, but all day you get to be with people who love you." That got me thinking. How did I feel about my mom when I was young. Did I care if our house was spotless? Or if we ate casserole or McDonalds? Not really. So I realized I needed an attitude change. I can't be supermom, but I knew I could do better.

I thought about what I was already doing. I was pretty good at fulfilling the needs in my family. So what could I change? It came to me. I could focus more on bringing happiness to my family. What could I do to bring happiness to every person in my family? Josh needs 2 things to be happy-good food and me. I noticed that when I cooked a good dinner and baked some cookies, walah! Josh is happy. Jozlyn really enjoys undivided attention. Talk to her alone for 10 minutes and she is altogether happy and in a better mood. Haylie Jo needs freedom. She needs a break from school stuff, chores and the like. She needs free time to play however she wants to play and to be as loud or wild as she wants. Owen, well he needs me. All the time. And Baby Einstein (my official lifesaver).

Now, I know you all are thinking (the 4 who read my blog :)) "What about you?" Well, this is where things get tricky. What makes me happy? Well, a little of all the above. I like a clean home, cooked meals, one on one time with Jozlyn, seeing Haylie Jo and the creativity freedom allows her, and kissing Owen's cheeks until he can't take it anymore! I love serving my family. Coca-Cola makes me happy (my guilty pleasure). AND a good run. Alone....outside....the wind in my face......my music cranked up......thinking of nothing but keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythm. MMMMmmmmm. So the best day includes cleaning my house, cooking dinner, hanging out with family, going running, and top it off with a ice cold Coke while kids are sleeping.

So, you might say that most of the things that make my family happy are things I should be doing anyway. What's changed? My attitude. I know think of cleaning as blessing my home (as Flylady would say. Check her out online. I love her!). I think of cooking as nourishing my family. I relish time with my girls. I think of the time spent together as bonding moments which will create the foundation we need to brave the hard times that are to come.

Hi, my name is Katie. I'm no supermom. I'm a mom. An average mom. A ponytail, sweatpants wearing, dark-circle eyes, mom. A serving mom. A loving mom. Who drank out of my glass? That's okay. It's still half full :)