Why Her???

I love my Haylie Jo. I absolutely love my Haylie Jo. I adore my Haylie Jo. Oh, did I tell you that I love my little Haylie Jo? So, why her? Why does she have to combat such pain at such a young age? What pain am I speaking of? The pain caused by being friendless and the occasional bully. It started last year, when she was in preschool. She would pick out the most adorable dress to wear, ask for her hair in pigtails, and skip merrily out of the car to the preschool door. This lasted a month. She soon began to say she didn't like preschool, then she didn't want to go to preschool, then she started faking sick. I talked to her teacher who told me that Haylie was just a little quieter than the rest of the kids (shocking, I know), and that she was content just to color while the other kids played. Finally, halfway through the year, Haylie told me what was going on. No one would play with her or let her play with them, that was why she was coloring all the time. Oh, it gets worse. Kids actually wouldn't even sit by her, the teacher would make some whining kid sit by her! She came home crying and told me that she would sit by someone, and they would get up and move to another chair. Now, she had a shower every morning and was potty trained (except the occasional accident), so she wasn't putting kids off physically at least. This happened everyday at preschool the whole year. I talked to the teacher and she told me that most of the kids in the class came from the same neighborhood (not ours) and were already friends before the year started. She assured me that it was just the group of kids, nothing likely to be repeated...

This year seemed to be off to a good start. She would come home babbling about so and so and tell me who she sat by at lunch. Soon, she was only talking about boys, then she wasn't talking about anyone at all. Then the birthday parties started. After a few parties, which she was not invited to, she got into the car one day after school and said, "(crying)Why doesn't anyone invite me to their birthday parties?" How does a mother respond to that? I am the librarian and room mother for her kindergarten class so I've gotten to know the kids quite well. All of them seem very nice and I haven't noticed Haylie doing anything to put them off. Only last week Haylie came home to tell me that _____ told ______ to tell Haylie that she didn't want to be Haylie's friend. WHAT THE HECK!!!!! What is going on?

Growing up, I was always surrounded by friends. I made friends easily and never had any "bullies". I never remember a time where I would have to search for a friend to play with, or when I got older, go shopping with. Josh made friends easily as well. My little Jozlyn is following in the same footsteps. As a baby, she would ignite the ooohhhs and aaawwws from everyone. She would smilingly reach to be held by anyone. As she got older, the adoration for her has only intensified. In preschool, she had to wear an eye-patch for a few months due to her eye problems. All the kids told her it was cool and one's girl mom told me that her daughter begged her dad to make her an eye patch to wear just like Jozzy's! In kindergarten, she was the sought after friend at our neighborhood school, then, she transferred to White Pine Charter School and 2 weeks later had at least 7 friends to invite over for her birthday. This year, she has a couple of close friends but is friends with virtually everyone. She sticks up for others, is kind to everyone, listens well, and is the kind of bubbly girly-girl that everyone loves. To boil it down, Jozlyn is a pleaser. She will do anything to make someone else happy and she is happiest when someone else is happy.

My Haylie Jo is the complete opposite of Jozlyn. She doesn't like to play with dolls or makeup. She could care less about ribbons in her hair or the oh so cute dress I picked out for her to wear. She does not try to please others, she tries to please herself. Not in a selfish way, in an "I'm original" kind of way. She's the type that would color a horse purple and when another kid would say, "Horses aren't purple. Why did you color it purple, that's wrong," Haylie would reply, "So what? I like purple. My horse can be purple." That's my Haylie Jo. She is definitely not a follower, a good thing in my eyes. She is also kind and wants fairness for everyone. So why her? I have often wondered if she is doing something to distance friends. I just can't figure it out. Why wouldn't everyone want to be friends with this beautiful, unique, spirited, loving girl of mine? I was hoping that the preschool thing was a fluke, but this year's experience so far has me wondering if this is going to be a long battle. One thing's for sure, both of my girls have a soft spot in their heart for the lonely already. They both understand what's it like to be lonely, Haylie from experience, Jozlyn from watching Haylie's experience. Words cannot express how much it hurts me to see my baby hurt. What's worse is that I can't patch it up with a bandaide and a kiss to make it all better. I have shed many tears already and I wonder how many more are to come.

A request to end this post...parents, please talk to your kids about how we treat others. I'm not saying that your kids (or mine) have to be best friends with everyone, but why can't they at least be nice? Teach them empathy, ask them how it would feel if they were in that kind of situation. Tell them a kind smile and a few minutes on the slide with a lonely soul does not cost them much, but will ease the heartache of a mother and that lonely soul all day long.